GETINHERHEAD BLOG

More Wienies = More Better

Does your relationship have a wienie in it? Do you care enough to add one (or many) in? Personally, I think the more wienies you've got, the better off you'll be. (Thanks for the great story, Mark!)

Relationships in a Time Crunch

So, you are facing a deadline. You are going to be away from your loved one for a long time. (I'm not talking about a business trip. I'm talking about several weeks to months.) How would you spend the last week, day, hour together?

When Kate and I started dating, it was long distance. Actually, it may have been the best thing for our relationship - we learned to ask questions. A lot of questions. The more we learned about each other, the more we wanted to know.

The longest we went between seeing each other was two weeks. Men and women who have fought in our nation's military have often been apart from their loved one for months and years. I have a hard time imagining this. However, I cannot imagine my life without Kate and the boys. So, regardless of the situation, I'd be counting the days until we all were together again.

But it gets back to the question - how would you spend those last few hours and moments? I would guess that if you have done the little moments leading up to the departure well, the separation is not that difficult. If things have been rocky, it would be scarier.

Me? I think I'd play a little extra with the boys. I'd cook a few favorite meals. I'd spend a bit more time just talking on the couch with her. What would you do?

Seth Godin Gets It

Seth Godin, one of the more influential marketing gurus about these days, just posted about Mother's Day. I've read Seth for years, mostly because he talks sense rather than theory.

In the post, Seth talks about acting like its Mother's Day all year rather than only one day and for marketers to "market like your mom is watching." I completely agree, on both counts.

We in relationships should do the same. Acting sweet and nice on his birthday or Valentines Day doesn't get it done. A relationship is not a series of big moments. Rather, it is the culmination of the little, 'boring' moments punctuated with big events.

Take care of the little pieces - being on time, listening, sharing kind words, treating them with love and respect every day - and the big ones will fall into place.

The Important Marriage Question

I'm not talking about the person you choose (and, hopefully, who returns the feelings.) I'm not talking about the wedding plans, how many kids you two will have, where to live, how to spend your money, how often you have sex.

All of these are important questions that must be debated and resolved throughout your marriage. But the most important question? You must ask yourself the following:

Are you going to be a good spouse for your partner or not?

It's a simple question that is often overlooked. However, it has hugely important implications and must be answered honestly.

We have precious few things that our minds can focus on at any one time. Therefore, this decision has to become like your values - something so ingrained that it is constantly running below the surface guiding your behavior.

As egotistical animals, we all can have a hard time thinking about how our decisions effect others. However, we are endowned with both self-awareness and the ability to change our lives by changing our minds. (Thank you Dr. James.)

All of the changes we make in our lives come from the questions we ask ourselves. The answers are shown not only to ourselves, but to everyone through our actions. So, now that you've read the question, how are you going to answer it?

(*A nod goes to Dennis Prager and his lecture on raising good children for making me think about this post.)

Swingtown is Appalling

I picked up a NY Times for Kate to go along with her hot chocolate and scone Mother's Day morning treat. We thumbed through the sections together (I paused on the sports article about the Pats) and landed on headline Arts & Leisure story titled "Take My Wife. Please. I'll Take Yours."

Swingtown (Youtube trailer here) is the latest scintilating tv show to come out about sex, drugs, and lots of "love" (read "sex"). The couples swing. Great idea for a tv show, right?

CBS certainly thinks so. That is why they are launching the show this summer at their Thursday, 10 PM slot. "We wanted to give people something fun and fresh in the summer," said Nina Tassler, the president of CBS Entertainment in the article. Imagine Boogie Nights meets The Wonder Years, the producers say.

....

This. Is. Appalling.

At a time when the sex = pleasure = happiness myth is being propogated at tremendous proportions to EVERYONE in our culture, the same network which brought us Touched by an Angel is now bringing us a primetime wife swapping show.

Thankfully, the show is on so late that most kids won't see it. Except that it's the summer, when the kids don't have to get up the next morning. Except that 61% have a tv in their room. Except that parents don't seem to care too much about what their children watch.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not only worried about boys and girls getting the wrong idea of what makes a healthy relationship. (However, I would suggest that the Alliance for Children's Rights take a harder look at their more recent award winner.) I'm worried about the "adults" in this country.

This country will live and die based our cultural strength. This strength does not begin at the national level. It's development exists solely in the smallest cultural unit - the family. Why? Because the family is the only group that produces off-spring. It is these off-spring that, as a group, provide support for and distress on our national identity.

When you start swapping wives an enjoying the 'open relationship', you are demonstrating behavior that is both inappropriate for children to witness and damaging to their relational pysche.

Women's Lib has been subjugated by radicals who now state that women should be just as sexually active as men in order to demonstrate their equal power. This is a load of crap. Men and women are different and equal. Talk to any sane psychologist and they'll tell you the early sexualization of our children is a huge problem and that it is particularly hard on young girls in terms of their pursuit of happiness in adulthood.

(For the record, I whole heartedly agree with Women's Lib ideals of equal pay for equal work, the abolition of sexual harassment and violence, and an equal voice and representation at all levels of government. I also believe that men should be less sexually active and remain faithful to their mate.)

Will we watch the show? Hell NO. Personally, I think anyone who spends their Thursday night watching this drivel is a fool.

The women may be attractive and the men may be hard bodies. I would bet that the majority of people who watch the show will be men who fantasize about multiple partners and younger women who think the swinging lifestyle would be cool. Let's all hope these people grow past these delusions to become more rational and grounded members of society.

To CBS: If Melissa Henson of the Parents Television Council won't say it, I will - Shame On You. Get this crap off the air.

Are You Ready?

Mother's Day is coming up. Do you have a few Out of the Blue surprises planned?