GETINHERHEAD BLOG

Treating them like a Best Friend

Do you consider your other half as your best friend? What about as one of your closest friends? The following quote made both Kate and I think a little more about this question. Here’s the quote:

“There are certain things that you may take for granted with your spouse, but there are very few things that you really take for granted with your best friend,” he says. “You never really want to let your best friend down. The fundamental thing that you have for your best friend is respect. That's why I view her first as my best friend…then my wife.”

The quote, by the way, comes from Seal by way of Oprah’s Celebrity Couples episode. (Blame Kate for watching it. I only pay attention when Dr. Oz talks about men’s health. Honest!)

Seal is on to something here. In fact, his intuition is backed up by cold hard science.

Dr. John Gottman, professor emeritus at U. of Washington and head of the Relationship Research Lab has found that, by far (70%), the most influential factor for men and women feeling satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is the quality of the couples friendship. That statistic, and many other great pieces of information, can be found in his book, 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work.

This may explain why many of us use ‘incredible’, ‘consuming in a good way’, or ‘intoxicating’ to describe the early stages of our relationships. For that courting period, you treated each other as a best friend and confidant. It was fresh, fun, and exciting.

The question is: Did you keep that feeling going over the course of your relationship? Those with the most fulfilling relationships have been successful at keeping their friendships fun, fresh, and, as Seal suggests, respectful.

As Kate began to care more for our kids and work less with me, we found ourselves missing each other. We realized how close we were as friends and started to work more on connecting. It felt a little strange at first but now, after a year of thoughtfully cultivating our already strong friendship, its second nature.

Viewing your partner as your best friend does not mean at you cannot have other great friends. Time spent with my guy friends is invaluable to me and Kate recognizes this. In fact, I’d argue that its essential for each partner to have their own friends outside of the relationship. But that doesn’t change the basic need for treating each other as the closest of friends.

So, do you treat your other half as your best friend? If not, its worth the effort to give it a shot.

The Startup Fun Continues

The work continues on the creation of the private beta site. Kate and I have been playing around with it a bit and have found way too many bugs to release out to anyone else. Hopefully, the fixes will be in place in a week (fingers crossed) so we can get rolling on the testing. The site LOOKS good but the true usefulness of the service is not showing itself yet. Ah, the trials of a startup.

In the meantime, we've had another great round of meetings. Genevieve Bos, the co-founder and publisher of Pink Magazine, has been very helpful with ideas and next steps. Boy, you want to talk about one smart, connected lady! She was very impressive in person and quite warm.

Toby Bloomberg has been very helpful in getting the blog a little more organized and thought out. I'd highly recommend her - easy style, insightful questions, and great advice.

Kate has scheduled a meeting with one of the founders of a huge online group for moms. The initial view of the concept was pretty interesting to them and we're excited to get in front of such a large group. Hopefully, this reaction will continue as we spread our wings to touch a few more potential partners.

Please plan on hearing from Kate very soon . We are going to start posting on the nature of healthy relationships very soon (the main purpose of this blog) but needed to work a few kinks out first. Speak with you soon!