Do you remember when your husband used to call you just to hear your voice? Or when your stomach would do summersaults when you saw her email address pop up on your screen? Do you remember when their little idiosyncrasies were cute… It’s not so cute when he burps your name anymore is it…? Well it turns out that the old adage, love is blind is only partly true, it should read, new love is blind. After about two years, the blinders start to peel off and his smelly socks all over the bedroom floor and her incessant talking when you walk in the door don’t have the same charm anymore.
The reality is that when we are in that initial falling in love stage, biology takes over! Our brains are bathed in chemicals that literally blind us to the others faults. The male brain is swimming in dopamine which makes him want to please you in every way he can so that he can “win.” Men are biologically engineered to desire the “chase.” So, after they “catch” us and we commit to each other, the level of the dopamine in their brains literally plummets. Yikes – no more flowers, gazing at us from across the room, or putting the toilet seat back down after he pees. This may sound depressing but it is actually an opportunity! Now you just have to work a little harder to keep the “chase” alive in your relationship…
Top 5 ways to keep the “chase” alive in your relationship:
1) Flirt with him/her like you did when you first met.
2) Go away for a romantic weekend and intentionally act like you did when you were courting.
3) Do something totally unexpected and make him or her feel adored.
4) Exercise daily – it makes you feel better about yourself and gives you the uplifting chemicals that are no longer present in the new love stage.
5) Do something together that is totally out of the ordinary that appeals to men’s nature – go skydiving, go white water rafting, go on a roller coaster… appeal to his need for adventure!
If you are interested in learning more about the biology of men and women as it relates to relationships, we highly recommend the books by relationship expert, Ian Kerner: She Comes First and He Comes Next.