Cookie just arrived at the house (don't worry - it's addressed to Kate). I couldn't help but notice Dads on Sex. Hmmm.... If the cover said Cosmo, I wouldn't give it a second look. But, since I actually like a lot of Cookie has to say, I decided to read it. (Just so you don't think I'm too metro, I spent most of Saturday evening drinking beer and watching the Dawgs whip up on the Sun Devils.)
Sex is a difficult thing to talk about, much less write about, for most married men. We are taught by our media and friends what we know about sex rather than from our trusted male elders. Therefore, our comfort level hovers between a 14 and 21 year olds maturity level on the subject. This wasn't always so and, personally, we need to head back to the days of the birds and the bees for our young men. (But I digress... read Michael Gurian's The Wonder of Boys for more on this aspect of men.)
Anyhoo, 79% of American Dads want more action. On the face of it, this is not too shocking. We are all told that men want more than women. What about the fairer half? Turns out American Mom wants more too - 74% of them. What does this mean?
First of all, we aren't communicating at all. Sure, we talk and give hints and shrugs but rarely do we speak in a way the other person can understand. Men want sex - good sex, make your legs tingle sex, borderline bad sex... it's all enjoyable. (And, yes, I agree, some forays are better than others but we are simple creatures.)
Women want intimacy, connection, and appreciation more than the physical act of sex. Just look at the stark contrast between the two articles on American Dads and American Moms. We, as a society that thrives on strong families, need to figure out how to overcome the communication gap here.
Secondly, we both need to get off the gender based hang ups. Ladies - Scheduling sex is OK! Guys - Cleaning up after the kids is a good 10 minutes spent! It will feel odd for both of you at first but will lead to a much better place. Trust me (and this research).
Finally, we've got to be better about being open to what we need from our loved one. If 1 in 3 American Moms are having (or had) affairs, we've got a huge marital problem. Am I'm a conservative when it comes to marriage? You are darn tootin'. You want a thrill - be it sexual or relational? Figure out a way to do it within the confines of that promise you made before your God, your spouse, and all those friends behind you. And, there are more than a few ideas on how to do so out there.
So, guys, sack up and get intimate. Rub her feet. Listen about her day without trying to fix anything. Don't talk about football once. And, ladies, pull out your planner. How does Thursday night sound?