It's Not About You

Let's start from a basic presumption: men and women are not built the same way.

From a biological standpoint, we've got different chemicals screaming through our bodies. Women have a more complex and versatile hypothalamus. Men produce greater muscle mass.

My wife knows everyone's shoe size in our family, including her mother-in-law. I'm lucky to find two shoes that match.

Because of our differences, we value the same experiences and gifts differently. While I take pleasure in a good single malt and well struck 5 iron, Kate gets joy from quality time with the family and a good massage.

If I were to show up with a bottle of something for Kate on Valentines Day, she'd say "thank you" and never touch it. However, if I created a gift certificate she could redeem at any time for a 30-minute massage or full day off from the kids, she'd be thrilled. (That is, as long as I backed it up!)

The point is to know what your loved one would appreciate and show up with that gift and a big smile on your face. It's not about giving them what you would enjoy to receive. It's about them and what they'd like.

Don't know? Then ask!! It may sound silly but great relationships are built on communication. Here is a simple statement and question that will help:

Honey, I want to do something for you that shows how much I appreciate everything you do for me but I don't know just the right thing. Could you please give me a few ideas of what you'd really love?

It is not cheating to ask what your loved one would appreciate. It's common sense. Does it take the romance out of your lives? I don't think so. When posed correctly and thoughtfully followed up, this question will improve the romantic feelings. 

(By the way: if you really want to know more about giving the best gift to your loved one, read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Easy read, fantastic results.)