Do You Ask Enough Questions?

When Kate and I first 'met', it was online. No, we are not an example of a dating service story gone golden. A mutual friend had been telling us about one another for months and first contact was by email rather than a blind date. It couldn't have worked out better.

For the first 3 weeks of knowing one another, all we did was ask questions. Would you rather hike in the mountains or ride a roller coaster. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Do you have a favorite Broadway show? (Kiss Me, Kate, of course....)

This question and answer session has never really stopped and I'm convinced it is one of the secrets of our happy marriage. The questions are curious rather than leading. They are normally light though some of our reading lead to deeper ones.

The whole point, though, is showing  you are interested in her/him. Asking a question and attending to the answers shows appreciation and interest.

I receive an email for dad's daily (which I highly recommend) which had some great questions to ask your wife though they work well for anyone in a relationship:

• What is your favorite memory of our dating days?

• What is your best memory of your mother? Your father? 

• What are your three favorite movies of all time? 

• What's the one thing you'd like to be remembered for? 

• If you had more time, what hobby would you like to pursue? 

• What living person, other than family members, do you admire most? 

• What's your idea of a perfect night out - or in? 

• If you could only spend $10 on a date night, what would you do? 

I don't think you need to write them down. The mood is important. Go outside for walk or shoot hoops together or show up with their favorite beverage in hand. Then, just hop write in and ask your questions. What you find out may happily surprise you!

Comments

[Diana Daffner - Author - Tantric Sex for Busy Couples]

Actually, writing some questions down isn't such a bad idea! It can really help, if your spouse (like mine) isn't a natural conversationalist in that way. It can become a fun game, especially if you throw in some sexy questions. (What are your three favorite places to be kissed?)

We developed a set of "HeartSpeak" questions to use at our workshops, and many couples like to take them home. We use them ourselves. The answers aren't always the same, and it's great to talk about something other than household or family responsibilities.

It's all about giving attention to one another, the kind of attention that is more common when a relationship is new. Keeping that attention alive is what makes a relationship great.

Good suggestion, thanks!