What’s the point? What’s the problem?

I was listening to the very wise Alison Armstrong (www.understandmen.com) talk about the differences between men and women. The specific point of interest: how men listen when women talk and felt like a light bulb went off for me.

Let me start by saying that my husband, Cole, is a great listener and a wonderful communicator.   However, I often feel like he is always trying to offer solutions to something that I don’t see as a problem.  Until I heard Alison talk, it never dawned on me that we listen differently. 

When Cole talks, I am always thinking; “how did that make him feel?”  So, all the questions I ask relate to his feelings.  When I speak, Cole (and most men) is thinking, what is the point and what is the problem?  And from that comes, what are the solutions to this problem?  That would be outstanding if I was looking for help with a problem but I (and most women) am rarely looking for help –I am looking for connection! 

It’s amazing to realize how he is thinking so I can say to him before I start talking,  there’s no real point and no problem that I want solved, I’m just talking… and he relaxes and doesn’t offer solutions!   Who knew it could be that easy!