GETINHERHEAD BLOG

Politics and Your Relationship

Just a simple observation:

If you answer questions from your wife/husband/loved one the way either McCain or Obama answer townhall questions, you've got problems. Answer the question directly. Sure, you've got to provide some context, but darn it - just answer the question!

And another:

Just because you don't like your choices, staying quiet doesn't solve anything. If you don't like the choices your loved one is offering (or the two political parties), create a third option. You've got to speak up when you've got the chance. A great relationship allows a lot of options to speak up, disagree, and come up with other options. Our country, with its protection of free speech and political system, allows you to speak up. Its up to you to speak. There is ALWAYS someone who will listen.

Make sure to watch the debates everyone or, at least, read about what is going on out there. Here are two great sites: RealClearPolitics.com and IBDEditorials.com. And, PLEASE, go and vote.

Relationships: Standing for Something

When you get into a committed relationship, you better know what that other person stands for. And not by what they say. Words are cheap. It is behavior that will show you what the person really believes. Why? Because saying and doing are oceans apart and either you have the courage to actively take a stand or you are just full of hot air (and the balloon of your relationship will leak faster and faster.)

Do you stand for equality in house work? Equal amounts of 'me' time? Decency? Honesty? Providing for your family or spending time with the kids? You've got to make hard choices, the consequences of which you first have to understand and then accept. Then, you've got to make sure that other person in your life can accept them as well and, hopefully, appreciate you all the more.

Then, go out and live those choices. Be real. True to yourself. What you do will tell me what you stand for. And not just right now, when the spotlight is on, but throughout your life. In those quiet alone moments. Around the dinner table. When no one is looking.

In a relationship, it doesn't take long to figure out what the other person really stand for. I hope you can live with it.

Thanks to Seth for bringing this up today.

Swingtown is Appalling

I picked up a NY Times for Kate to go along with her hot chocolate and scone Mother's Day morning treat. We thumbed through the sections together (I paused on the sports article about the Pats) and landed on headline Arts & Leisure story titled "Take My Wife. Please. I'll Take Yours."

Swingtown (Youtube trailer here) is the latest scintilating tv show to come out about sex, drugs, and lots of "love" (read "sex"). The couples swing. Great idea for a tv show, right?

CBS certainly thinks so. That is why they are launching the show this summer at their Thursday, 10 PM slot. "We wanted to give people something fun and fresh in the summer," said Nina Tassler, the president of CBS Entertainment in the article. Imagine Boogie Nights meets The Wonder Years, the producers say.

....

This. Is. Appalling.

At a time when the sex = pleasure = happiness myth is being propogated at tremendous proportions to EVERYONE in our culture, the same network which brought us Touched by an Angel is now bringing us a primetime wife swapping show.

Thankfully, the show is on so late that most kids won't see it. Except that it's the summer, when the kids don't have to get up the next morning. Except that 61% have a tv in their room. Except that parents don't seem to care too much about what their children watch.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not only worried about boys and girls getting the wrong idea of what makes a healthy relationship. (However, I would suggest that the Alliance for Children's Rights take a harder look at their more recent award winner.) I'm worried about the "adults" in this country.

This country will live and die based our cultural strength. This strength does not begin at the national level. It's development exists solely in the smallest cultural unit - the family. Why? Because the family is the only group that produces off-spring. It is these off-spring that, as a group, provide support for and distress on our national identity.

When you start swapping wives an enjoying the 'open relationship', you are demonstrating behavior that is both inappropriate for children to witness and damaging to their relational pysche.

Women's Lib has been subjugated by radicals who now state that women should be just as sexually active as men in order to demonstrate their equal power. This is a load of crap. Men and women are different and equal. Talk to any sane psychologist and they'll tell you the early sexualization of our children is a huge problem and that it is particularly hard on young girls in terms of their pursuit of happiness in adulthood.

(For the record, I whole heartedly agree with Women's Lib ideals of equal pay for equal work, the abolition of sexual harassment and violence, and an equal voice and representation at all levels of government. I also believe that men should be less sexually active and remain faithful to their mate.)

Will we watch the show? Hell NO. Personally, I think anyone who spends their Thursday night watching this drivel is a fool.

The women may be attractive and the men may be hard bodies. I would bet that the majority of people who watch the show will be men who fantasize about multiple partners and younger women who think the swinging lifestyle would be cool. Let's all hope these people grow past these delusions to become more rational and grounded members of society.

To CBS: If Melissa Henson of the Parents Television Council won't say it, I will - Shame On You. Get this crap off the air.

You can lead a horse to water....

An open letter to the men using this service:

Guys,

I appreciate you stopping by and using GIHH to help keep yourself prepared for upcoming special events and spontaneous out of the blues. Kate and I worked pretty hard trying to figure out everything we (guys, that is) need to bring a smile to the lady's life.

You and I both know we tend to be single focused. While she can juggle a bunch of things and still remember what color tie our boss prefers we wear, you and I refuse to focus on things that don't concern the here and now. It's a valuable trait - it fed us and our families during our evolution.

We also know that we, as men, don't like to play when we know we cannot win. I'd rather take my ball and go home and wait for something I know I've got a chance at. Again, this is another valuable trait - it helps us spend our energy in the best ways for our current needs.

My point: I've heard some of you are taking a look at your lady's wish list and purchasing other things. That is certainly your prerogative. It is your money and I'm not about to tell you how to spend it. HOWEVER, if your lady friend has filled out everything on GIHH, she is giving you a clear path to score some major points.

Take that single focus and crush the list. Augment it with some of your own ideas that would only enhance the gift (like a spontaneous night out or randomly provided foot rub). Focus on that which SHE would enjoy rather than what you want to do. This does not take away the romance. Doing things that are important for her are the best way to show your love.

While every woman is different, I know that if she took the time to give you the list of things she'd love, you'll do great by fulfilling them.

Best of Luck,

Cole

The G word....

Do you know anyone who has small children and their husbands play golf?  You know the one’s whose husbands work hard all week and then feel like it is their right to take a quarter of every weekend for their own time.  That sounds reasonable doesn’t it… you work hard, you provide for your family, you spend some time as a family on the weekend and you get to take some time for yourself too… Sure that sounds right… but do you know any woman with small children, who either works or stays home that takes six hours to pursue a hobby or hang out with her friends every single weekend?   If you do, let me know because I haven’t met her yet and I would like to be her friend!

It’s hard for me to be too critical because my husband does work from home and cooks all our meals, is great with the kids and does the grocery shopping… but a six hour hobby…every weekend… that requires lots of equipment upgrades and is really expensive… when you get down to it, it’s a little ridiculous.

If you know these men who are obsessed with golf, you know that they can rarely remember their anniversary but they know every club they used on every hole of every round of golf they have ever played!  Not only do they remember, but apparently it is a part of the experience to relieve every hole with whoever will listen after each round…

Because I know that the men are not going to stop playing golf, here are 7 tips for every man who plays golf and has small children

1)  “It was great!  Thanks!”

When you walk in the door after having been gone for six hour and your wife asks how your round was, tell her it was great and thank her profusely for taking the kids while you played.  (Even if you had 18 triple bogeys and got hit in the head by an errant shot)

2)  “What can I do to help?”

When you get home, don’t relive each shot and club choice for her, instead, scoop up the kids and give her a few minutes (or hours) of peace and quiet.

3) “Look what I got for you!”

If, by the grace of God, you get to play in a three day tournament and are gone for 27 hours… if you do happen to win some money (aka. credit from the golf shop), don’t buy something for yourself.   Even if that means she ends up with 37 pairs of argyle socks!

4) “This is for you!”

If you happen to bet your hard earned money on your weekend golf game and lose more than $2, don’t tell me about it… and if you happen to win any money – promptly hand it over when you return home and tell her to go get a coffee while you watch the kids.

5) “What can I do to help" Part II

Whatever you do, don’t come home and tell me that you didn’t even stay for a drink and expect to win any points with me… it took you 15 minutes to get to the club, 45 minutes to warm up, 4 and a half hours to play the round… and 15 minutes to get home… You are a real sweetheart for not choosing to socialize with people you just spent 6 hours with while I was playing cleaning lady, referee, lunch lady, life source, negotiator, circus coordinator etc…

6) “I want to spend time with you guys”

If by chance you don’t play golf one weekend, don’t act like you are getting father of the year because you are spending the whole weekend with the family… instead try saying that you are totally focused on the family this weekend and are there any projects or things you would like to get done (while you recover from your triple bypass because that is the only thing that may keep you off the course for a weekend)!

7) “I know it’s a lot of time and I really appreciate it.”

Whatever you do, don’t get defensive and try to justify your hobby – it is as fruitless as trying to tell me what a good guy your friend Dennis is – you know the one with the gun rack, 6 playboy bunny stickers and confederate flag on his truck... don’t go there.